Dialogue Mechanics

Notes from “Self-editing for Fiction Writers”

What’s wrong with the dialogue in the following examples?

Example 1:

“You can’t be serious,” she said in astonishment.

Example 2:

“I find that difficult to accept,” she said in astonishment.

Example 3:

“I’m afraid it’s not going very well,” he said grimly.

“Keep scrubbing until you’re finished,” she said harshly.

“I don’t know, I can’t seem to work up the steam to do anything,” he said listlessly.

Example 4:

“Give it to me,” she demanded.

“Here it is,” he offered.

“Is it loaded?” she inquired

Example 5:

“I hate to admit that,” he grimaced.

“Come closer,” she smiled.

“So you’ve changed your mind,” he chuckled.

Example 6 (conversation between two people)

“I just don’t believe he’d say that, Chet.”

“Well, Hortense, I may have heard wrong, but—”

“Cut it out, Chet. Just cut it out.”

DIALOGUE TIPS

• Every time you insert an explanation into dialogue, you’re cheating your readers out of a little bit of one of your characters.

• Don’t use speaker attributions as a way of slipping in explanations into your dialogue.

• Your best bet is to use the verb “said” almost without exception. Verbs other than “said” tend to draw attention away from the dialogue. It draws attention to your technique as a reader, and a technique that distracts the reader is never a good idea.

• Don’t open a paragraph of dialogue with the speaker attribution. Instead, start a paragraph with dialogue and place the speaker attribution at the first natural break in the first sentence.

• Place the character’s name or pronoun first in the speaker attribution (i.e., “Dave said” instead of “said Dave.”

• Decide how you are going to refer to the character and stick with it for at least the length of the scene. Don’t use “Hubert said” on one page, “Mr. Winchester said,” on the next, and “the old man said” on the third.

• If you want to reduce the number of said’s in your dialogue, replace it with beats. For example:

“But didn’t you promise…” Jessie said.

“I did nothing of the sort,” Tyrone said.

“Now, look, you two—” Dudley said.

“You stay out of this,” Tyrone said.

“But didn’t you promise…” Jessie said.

“I did nothing of the sort,” Tyrone said.

Dudley stepped between them and held up his hands. “Now, look, you two—”

Tyrone spun on him. “You stay out of this.”

Key tip: Don’t get carried away with this technique. A beat after every line of dialogue is even more distracting than too many speaker attributions. Find a comfortable balance.

• Use ellipses (…) to show conversation training off. Use the em-dash (—) to cut off conversation abruptly.

• Start a new paragraph whenever you have a new speaker.

Empowering Antagonists

Notes from “The Fire in Fiction” 

Cardboard villains don’t scare us. Stereotypical antagonists lack teeth. By contrast, an antagonist who is human, understandable, justified, and even right will stir in your readers the maximum unease. In creating antagonists, reject the idea of evil. Make them good. Make them active. Bring them on stage and into your protagonist’s face. An antagonist who merely lurks isn’t doing much for your story. 

Step 1: Find five ways and times at which your antagonist will directly engage your protagonist. 

Step 2: Write out your antagonist’s opinion of your protagonist. What does your antagonist like about your protagonist? How does your antagonist want to help your protagonist? What advice does your antagonist have? 

Step 3: How can your antagonist be summarized or defined? A boss? A senator? A mother-in-law? List five stereotypes associated with such a type. Find one way in which your antagonist is exactly the opposite. 

Step 4: Create four actions that will make your antagonist warm and sympathetic. 

Step 5: Assume that your antagonist is justified and right. Make her case in writing. Find times in history when things ran her way and were good. Find a passage from theology, philosophy, or folk wisdom that supports your antagonist’s outlook. Choose one character whom your antagonist will win over. In what way does your protagonist agree with your antagonist?

The First 50 Pages

• How strong is your first line? Make sure you lead off with something that will catch your reader’s from the very beginning. 
• Do you start with a dream scenario? Because that's a quick path to rejection from an agent/publisher 
• Does your story have an engaging hook? 
• Are you telling instead of showing? Remember the old writing adage "show don't tell." 
• Double check your point-of-view. Make sure you don't have any errors or shifts in POV. 
• Make sure your characters have depths 
• Is there a lack of beats for pacing and description? 
• Check for stilted dialogue. 
• Are there inadequate descriptions of characters and settings (or details that are introduced to the reader too late?) 
• Are you starting the main action too soon? 
• Are you going into flashbacks too early in the story? 
• Do you jump to a new viewpoint character too early? 
• Is there enough conflict?
• Is there something at stake for your hero?

The Hero's Journey

THE ORDINARY WORLD: Most stories take the hero out of the ordinary, mundane world and into a Special World, new and alien. You have to first show her in that Ordinary World to create a vivid contrast with the strange new world he is about to enter 

THE CALL TO ADVENTURE: The hero is presented with a problem, challenge, or adventure to undertake. Once presented with a Call to Adventure, she can no longer remain indefinitely in the comfort of the Ordinary World 

REFUSAL OF THE CALL (THE RELUCTANT HERO): Often at this point, the hero balks at the threshold of adventure, Refusing the Call or expressing reluctance. After all, she is facing the greatest of all fears, terror of the unknown 

MENTOR (THE WISE OLD MAN OR WOMAN): By this time, many stories will have introduced a Merlin-like character who is the hero’s Mentor. The function of Mentors is to prepare the hero to face the unknown. They may give advice, guidance or magical equipment 

CROSSING THE FIRST THRESHOLD: Now the hero finally commits to the adventure and fully enters the Special World of the story for the first time by Crossing the First Threshold. This is the moment when the story takes off and the adventure really gets going 

TESTS, ALLIES, AND ENEMIES: Once across the First Threshold, the hero naturally encounters new challenges and Tests, makes Allies and Enemies, and begins to learn the rules of the Special World 

APPROACH TO THE INMOST CAVE: The hero comes at last to the edge of a dangerous place where the object of the quest is hidden. Often is it the headquarters of the hero’s greatest enemy, the most dangerous spot in the Special World, the Inmost Cave. Heroes often pause at the gate to prepare, plan, and outwit the villain’s guards. This is the phase of Approach 

THE ORDEAL: Here the fortunes of the hero hit bottom in direct confrontation with his greatest fear. He faces the possibility of death and is brought to the brink in a battle with a hostile force. The Ordeal is a “black moment” for the audience, as we are held in suspense and tension, not knowing if he will live or die 

REWARD (SEIZING THE SWORD): Having survived death, beaten the dragon, etc, hero and audience have cause to celebrate. The hero now takes possession of the treasure she has come seeking, her Reward. It might be a special weapon like a magic sword, or a token like the Grail or some elixir which can heal the wounded land. Sometimes, the “sword” is knowledge and experience that leads to greater understanding and reconciliation with hostile forces 

THE ROAD BACK: The hero’s not out of the woods yet. The hero begins to deal with the consequences of confronting the dark forces of the Ordeal. Some of the best chase scenes spring up at this point as the hero is pursued on The Road Back by the vengeful forces she has disturbed by seizing the reward 

RESURRECTION: This is often a second life-and-death moment, almost a replay of the death and rebirth of the Ordeal. Death and darkness get in one last, desperate shot before being finally defeated 

RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR: The hero Returns to the Ordinary World but the journey is meaningless unless she brings back some Elixir, treasure, or lesson from the Special World 


HOMEWORK (Download and print the file): 

1. Map out the pivotal scenes in Star Wars: A New Hope (Episode IV) that match up with the Hero's Journey

2. How does the plot in your own novel match up with the Hero's Journey? Are sections missing? If so, why? (Remember, the Hero's Journey is just one of many plot devices--albeit a commonly seen and successful one.)

Protagonist versus Heroes

Excerpt from The Fire in Fiction

 

FINDING A PROTAGONIST’S STRENGTHS

Step 1: Is your protagonist an ordinary person? Find in him any kind of strength.

Step 2: Work out a way for that strength to be demonstrated within your protagonist’s first five pages.

Step 3: Revise your character’s introduction to your readers

Without a quality of strength on display, your readers will not bond with your protagonist.

FINDING A HERO’S FLAWS

Step 1: Is your protagonist a hero—that is, someone who is already strong? Find in him something conflicted, fallible, humbling, or human.

Step 2: Work out a way for that flaw to be demonstrated within your protagonist’s first five pages.

Step 3: Revise your character’s introduction to your readers. Be sure to soften the flaw with self-awareness or self-deprecating humor.

To make heroes real enough to be likeable, it’s necessary to make them a little bit flawed. However, this flaw cannot be overwhelming.

THE IMPACT OF GREATNESS

Step 1: Does your story have a character who is supposed to be great? Choose a character (your protagonist or another) who is, has been, or will be affected by that great character.

Step 2: Note the impact on your point-of-view character. In what ways is she changed by the great character? How specifically is her self-regard or actual life different? Is destiny involved? Detail the effect.

Step 3: Write out that impact in a paragraph. It can be backward looking (a flashback frame) or a present moment in exposition.

Step 4: Add that paragraph to your manuscript.

Greatness is not always about esteem. Those affected by great people may be ambivalent. Whatever the case in your story, see if you can shade the effect of your great character to make it specific and capture nuances. The effect of one character upon another is as particular as the characters themselves.

 

Show versus Tell

Excerpt from http://www.mariavsnyder.com/advice/showvstell.php

A common writing mistake is to tell the reader the events of a story or tell the reader how a character is feeling. Journalism is an acceptable method of telling, of presenting the facts, but fiction creates the illusion of being there in the story, seeing events happen without the writer telling you. 

For example:

Valek was angry. (Telling)

"Valek took a gray rock off his desk and hurled it toward me. Stunned, I froze as the stone whizzed past and exploded on the wall behind me." (Showing)

There are five techniques a fiction writer can use to avoid telling the reader:

1. Using Point of View (POV)
2. Using dialogue
3. Using all the senses
4. Using picture nouns and action verbs
5. Writing in scenes

USING POINT OF VIEW (POV):

"I averted my eyes from the flickering light as they led me down the main corridor of the dungeon. Thick, rancid air puffed in my face. My bare feet shuffled through puddles of unidentifiable muck."

USING DIALOGUE:

Dialogue is fast paced, it's easy and entertaining to read, it advances the plot and shows characterization, and it involves the reader. We all like to eavesdrop on conversations (if you're a writer it's practically a job requirement!). Dialogue is also a great way to "show" what is happening in your story.

USING ALL THE SENSES:

Don't just use visual imagery for description. In addition to colors, sizes, and shapes, use smells, sounds, tastes, and textures. Smells can be very effective in provoking a response in your reader. 

USING PICTURE NOUNS AND ACTION VERBS:

Use specific, concrete nouns instead of vague ones like happiness, kindness, arrogance, and courage. Instead show characters being happy, kind, arrogant, and courageous. Also use the most vivid, active verbs, and avoid the passive or linking verbs. Limit modifiers. 

WRITING IN SCENES:

For any story length, scenes are the building blocks of the story. The word "scene" is a theater term. It describes action that occurs in a single place or setting. It can be as short as a paragraph or as long as a chapter. Focus defines a scene not length. Each scene in a novel has a specific focus or reason that the author chooses to show the reader what's going on at that time.
 

Here are some reasons to use the scene:
- to give information to further the plot of story
- to show conflict between characters by using dialogue and action
- to show a particular character by focusing on how he/she deals with a situation
- to create suspense.

The beginning of a scene should hook the reader and make him/her want to keep reading. The ending should create some type of suspense - emotional or physical so the reader will want to continue reading.

Essentials of Great Dialogue

1.    It is essential to the story

·      Advance the plot

·      Reveal character

·      Reflect theme

2.    It comes from one character to another character

·      Not a blatant attempt to give information

3.    It has conflict and tension

4.    It sounds just right for the character

·      Vocabulary

·      Favorite words and expressions (can change with time)

·      Regionalisms

·      Dialect and syntax

a.    Don’t recreate the sound of a thick accent. Just use a word or two.

b.    Syntax (order of words) is a good way to indicate non-native English speakers

5.    It isn’t real-life speech

·      Fictional dialogue looks like real speech, but it is purposeful. No hesitators, tangents, or small talk

ATTRIBUTIONS

·      An attribution tells the reader who is speaking

·      Almost always, the simple said and asked should be your default setting

·      It is almost invisible to the reader, and allows the focus to remain on the dialogue

·      In a two-person dialogue, you can skip attributions when it’s clear who is speaking. Put in an occasional attribution or action tag as a reminder.

ACTION TAGS

·      The action tag offers a character’s physical movements instead of said.

·      Example 1: “What shall we do for the next two hours?” Smith said nervously

·      Example 2: Smith scratched at his eyebrow. “What shall we do for the next two hours?”

Point of View (POV) and Tenses

First person POV

·      The viewpoint character is “I.” Nothing can be heard, seen, or experienced except through the senses of the character relating the story

Third person

·      Most commonly used for storytelling

·      Viewpoint character is “he” or “she” (or “it”)

Third person, single POV

·      Remain inside one character throughout the story (like first person POV)

·      Pros: Allow readers to identify with the character and drawn into the story without switching to another character

·      Cons: Limited to what can be shown “on stage.” Outside events must be told to the character or discovered some other way.

Third person, multiple POV

·      The writer puts the reader into the heads of more than one character through the story. E.g., romances (man and woman), thrillers (hero, villain)

·      Maintain a single POV in each scene; do not head-hop

Third person, omniscient POV

·      Viewpoint character is an omniscient narrator who tells the story about a cast of characters

·      Occasionally used in epics with many characters (e.g., Lord of the Rings)

TENSES:

·      Past = He went to the store

·      Present = He is going to the store

·      Future = He will go to the store

·      Most novels are written in past tense, though some use present tense

QUESTIONS

1.    Can you mix POVs in a single novel? (e.g., first and third, mixing omniscient with other POVs)

2.    What tense—past, present, or future—are you using to tell the story? Why have you selected this tense?

3.    What person are you using to tell the story? Why did you select this person?

4.    If you have chosen more than one person, does the mixture best serve the story? Why or why not?